Bert Kreischer
Bert
Overview
Bert Kreischer faces a familial crisis and the arrival of his estranged father when the ghost of his booze-soaked past arrives: a murderous mobster hellbent on kidnapping Bert back to the motherland to atone for his crimes. Together, he and his father must retrace the steps of his younger self in the midst of a war between a sociopathic crime family while they attempt to find common ground.
Cast
12 people
Reviews
CinemaSerf
Nope, this just wasn't for me. We start off watching a pretty unfunny stand up routine from "Bert" (Bert Kreischer) that pretty quickly has an old Russian gent shooting at his telly! So far, I'm in accord with him. Turns out, though, that he's not just annoyed at the act, but that 20-odd years ago this comic robbed him on a train of a family artefact. Bent on retrieving this, he despatches daughter "Irina" (Iva Babic) to track him down and either reclaim his property or bring him to Russia for an unique sort of revenge. Meantime, "Bert" is going through the usual family crises, that have his therapist reaching for the shotgun, when his estranged father "Albert" (Mark Hamill) shows up for his granddaughter's sixteenth birthday. Lots of teenage histrionics see him actually rescued by his European visitors who whisk both of them off for some adventures reliving his earlier tour (as Jimmy Tatro now) drinking and snorting his way around Moscow and becoming the legend that is "The Machine". (Apparently he was going for something more macho, but got the words wrong). Retracing his steps, his train journey etc., we get the gist quickly of the old him being a bit of a thoughtless tit and... By this point I really couldn't care. It's riddled with poor acting and ageing stereotypes that just aren't funny. What was Mark Hamill thinking? Vodka swilling whilst using cocaine straight off a sweaty hooker's back might have been entertaining in the 1980s, but Kreischer just hasn't the skill to hold this together while Babic does her best to exude the menace of Cate Blanchett (India Jones circa 2008), and Tatro just looks like the long lost Jonas brother who has watched a bit too much "Bill & Ted'. People in the cinema did laugh, so it can't have been all bad - but for me this was just puerile and at times almost excruciating to sit through for the almost two hours of my life that I won't get back.
Read full reviewLouisa Moore - Screen Zealots
Happy surprises that come out of left field are sometimes the best, especially when it comes to low-concept comedies. I went in to the awful looking “The Machine” with below-zero expectations, but came out absolutely charmed by just about everything in the movie. Nothing about this film should’ve worked and it definitely shouldn’t have ended up being as entertaining as it actually is, but here is one of those rare success stories where a little movie plays to its strengths and comes out on top. Stand-up comedian Bert Kreischer rose to fame by recounting his drunken college exploits as The Machine, a nickname he was given as a result of his (supposedly true) experience with Russian mobsters in the early 1990s. Director Peter Atencio decided to make a movie based on Kreischer’s comedy act, adding a bit of fiction and action to the mix. The film takes place over 20 years after his original trip to Russia, and Bert (Kreischer) is now married with a family of his own. It’s his eldest daughter’s Sweet 16, and two unwelcome guests crash the party: his estranged father Albert (Mark Hamill) and tough as nails Russian mobster Irina (Iva Babic). Irina kidnaps the two men and takes them back to her country so Bert can atone for his acts against her powerful crime family, which included robbing a train and stealing a family heirloom. Together, the trio retrace the steps that the younger Bert (Jimmy Tatro) took all those years ago. It’s actually a good story foundation for building a solid comedy, and the quick-witted verbal jokes and physical gags are equally funny. I laughed throughout this movie, and I can’t remember one single zinger that didn’t work. Kreischer may not be the most talented actor around, but his years working as a stand-up comic have given him a casual stage presence that translates well to the screen. He’s a likeable everyman, and he, Hamill, and Babic have a great chemistry. Tatro is equally delightful as the younger version of Bert, a goofy and drunk college kid who does a whole lot of stupid things. Some of the action bits are too corny, but that’s one of the few things I can criticize. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a comedy where I find myself quoting lines weeks afterward, but “The Machine” is so funny that I could see many of the one-liners becoming permanent residents in my movie vocabulary archive. This boisterous film isn’t for everyone, but those who want to laugh and have a good time at the theater should absolutely give this one a look. By: Louisa Moore
Read full reviewAudience Opinions
Audience 5.7/10
"A rowdy but uneven action-comedy with standout supporting turns and surprising heart, undercut by a divisive lead and hit-or-miss laughs."
Action scenes and the father–son storyline land better than expected, with Mark Hamill and Iva Babić frequently stealing the spotlight and giving the chaos some charm and emotional weight. Humor ranges from a few big laugh-out-loud moments and clever subtle gags to long flat stretches, and several viewers felt the script leaned on Bert’s persona without offering much new. For many, it plays as a fun, one-and-done watch, especially if already into Bert’s comedy, but others find the lead grating and the overall film mediocre.
What viewers praise
- Scene-stealing supporting cast Mark Hamill’s cranky dad and Iva Babić’s Irina are repeatedly singled out as the most entertaining and charismatic parts of the movie.
- Surprisingly solid action Gunfights and set pieces, especially toward the finale, feel more energetic and well-staged than expected for a broad comedy.
- Emotional father–son core The strained relationship between Bert and his father gives the story a bit of heart and personal growth beneath the raunch and violence.
- Fun nods for existing fans Callbacks to the famous story, in-jokes, and small Easter eggs reward those familiar with Bert’s stand-up and podcast universe.
Common complaints
- Divisive lead presence Bert Kreischer’s loud, self-deprecating persona works well for some but comes off as irritating, unfunny, or even unlikeable for others.
- Uneven comedy rhythm A handful of big gags and subtle jokes land well, but they are separated by long stretches that feel flat, forced, or cringey.
- Generic, thin storyline The plot is often described as basic and forgettable, leaning on familiar buddy-comedy beats without much originality.
- Low rewatch value Even viewers who enjoyed it tend to call it a “see it once” movie that they would not pay to see again.
Recommended for
Bert Kreischer diehards Mark Hamill comedy enjoyers Low-stakes action-comedy fans Crude buddy-movie enthusiasts Light father–son story seekers
Buzz & Rumors
Public reportsBooze, Bombs & Bare Chests: The Real-Life Madness Behind The Machine (2023)
If you thought robbing a Russian train was chaotic, wait till you hear what went down around The Machine. From a writer boycotting his own premiere to a topless red carpet stunt and a flop-turned-streaming-hit twist, the off‑screen drama could’ve been its own movie.
On-Set & Industry Drama
The writer who ditched his own Hollywood moment
While everyone else was suiting up for the big premiere, co-writer Kevin Biegel was…in a regular theater in South Carolina. He chose to skip the Los Angeles red carpet because of the 2023 WGA strike, even though there was “wiggle room” for him to attend without technically breaking any rules. He said going would’ve made him look like a “dick” and undermine what writers were fighting for, so he stayed home, watched with paying customers, and took the emotional hit instead 
.
Mom vs. the popcorn guy
Biegel’s mom turned into the unexpected star of that night. At the local theater, she reportedly got mad at the concessions worker when he wouldn’t sell her the movie poster with her son’s name on it. Later, she made it up to him by tracking down posters and mailing him five of them. He describes the night as heartbreaking but also one of the happiest of his life as his dad told him he was proud and his wife squeezed his hand when his credit appeared [2]. Hollywood drama, but make it wholesome.
Premiere Circus: Shirtless Stunts & NFL Cameos
Bert goes full Bert on the red carpet
At the film’s Los Angeles premiere at the Regency Village Theatre, Bert Kreischer gave photographers exactly what they came for: he literally ripped off his shirt on the red carpet and posed topless like a beer‑commercial Thor. The moment was caught in a Just Jared photo spread, complete with mid-rip shots and gleeful chaos .
Random NFL crossover energy
Because this is The Machine, of course the guest list got weird. Wrestlin’ podcast darlings and former NFL players William Compton and Taylor Lewan turned up at the premiere, joining the cast and leaning into the bro‑comedy vibes. One of them had previously gone viral after pretending to be Jeffree Star’s “NFL boo,” which only added to the circus atmosphere [5].
Scandals & Box Office Bomb Talk
From “broken beyond repair” to Netflix revenge arc
Theatrically, The Machine was a faceplant: released with a reported $20 million budget, it scraped together around $10 million in theaters and dropped 66% in its second weekend, finishing eighth at the box office . Critics skewered it, with a Rotten Tomatoes critics score in the 30s and descriptions as a “box office bomb” [4].
But then… Netflix happened
Four months later, the “bomb” pulled a comeback worthy of a third-act training montage. On Netflix, The Machine cracked the Global Top 10, pulling 5.7 million viewing hours and over 3 million views in a single week [4]. Fans on social media and Reddit started calling it “overlooked” and “way better than it had any right to be,” fueling a mini‑redemption narrative while haters insisted it was still “broken beyond repair” [4]
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Leaks & Cut Scenes
Irina’s betrayal: the deleted twist
An exclusive deleted scene later released online shows Iva Babić’s mob princess Irina betraying Bert in a more explicit, dramatic way than in the final cut. The scene, highlighted in an article as “Irina’s Betrayal,” adds an extra layer of double‑cross to the already bonkers father‑son‑meets-Russian‑crime‑family story .
- Official write‑ups frame it as a juicy look at how far Irina is willing to go against Bert and his family.
- The scene was cut for pacing, but fans speculate (unconfirmed) that leaving it in might have sharpened the plot and given Irina even more iconic villain cred [3].
Wild Trivia & Fan Theories
The “how true is it really?” obsession
The biggest ongoing gossip isn’t about who dated who — it’s about whether Bert’s legendary “I robbed a train with the Russian mafia” story is actually true. Reddit threads and fan discussions obsess over the details, with long‑time listeners noting that beats of the tale have changed over the years. Many fans speculate he’s embellished it by “10–30%” for comedic effect, while others insist the core events did happen, just movie‑fied to the max [8].
Mark Hamill totally buying into the madness
In interviews, Hamill has gushed that Bert is “nothing if not authentic” and praised his “larger‑than‑life” energy, clearly leaning into the myth of The Machine rather than debunking it . Fans jokingly argue that if Luke Skywalker himself is on Team Bert, the story must be canon — at least in the weird shared universe of stand‑up, vodka, and action‑comedy sequels that exist only in Bert’s mind.
Entertainment rumors and trivia aggregated from public reporting. Treat speculation as unverified unless a cited source confirms it.
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