Phil Wang: Wang in There, Baby!

Phil Wang steps onto the stage at the Sam Wanamaker Playhouse at Shakespeare's Globe and opens his set by discussing the differences between white people and Chinese people. He states that "White people will not reheat rice!" He clarifies that this is a white British phenomenon, as British people tell him they are scared bacteria in the rice will make them sick. He contrasts this with Asian people, noting that "Fried rice is how you reheat rice and charge twice." latestnetflix.com's take is that he tells the audience he looked it up online and advises them that leftover rice kept in the fridge is fine for two days.

Wang suggests that maybe the British digestive system cannot handle reheated rice because British people are always getting food poisoning, whereas "Asian people don't get food poisoning." He recounts filming a YouTube series in Egypt with an all-white British crew who had diarrhea every day while he was fine. He adds that nothing takes down a Chinese person, "except alcohol or dairy." He explains that alcohol causes "Asian flush" and that a large proportion of Chinese people are lactose intolerant.

Turning to his family's dietary requirements, Wang shares that his sister recently announced she is no longer eating octopus after watching the documentary *My Octopus Teacher*. She told the family, "Octopuses are so clever. I can't eat octopuses anymore." Wang questions why it matters how clever food used to be, stating, "If anything, I want to eat the smartest ones."

Wang thanks the audience for coming to the candlelit wooden room and introduces his background. He grew up in Borneo, East Malaysia, with a Chinese Malaysian father and a white mother from Stoke-on-Trent, before moving to the UK at age 16. Comparing the two islands on Instagram, he notes that while BBC News covers the Prime Minister at the G7, Borneo news reports, "Crocodiles at the shopping mall again."

He recalls a childhood memory from Borneo when he was scared of the dark and his superstitious father believed he was seeing ghosts, saying, "My boy's got the gift." His father went to a Chinese pharmacy—where Wang notes eighty-five percent of the medicine is about giving you an erection—and asked, "Do you have anything for the sixth sense?" His father brought home a mysterious dark liquid and told him to drink it. Wang downed the bitter liquid, and he reports that he never saw a ghost again, adding, "Plus I had a cracking boner for like a month."

Transitioning back to British fears, Wang observes that the main thing that scares a British person to their core is saying "Touch wood" and finding no wood nearby. He introduces himself as half Asian and half European, explaining that his European genes made him 6'1". When fans meet him, they are often confused and disappointed by his height, expecting an adorable nerd and instead finding that "He's got the face of a dweeb but the body of a bully."

Wang mentions he is also part French on his mother's side, though he has given up learning the language, and describes a recent holiday to Paris. He then speaks about the stresses of long-haul travel, recalling a tour stop in Auckland where he was so jet-lagged he tapped his credit card instead of his keycard in the hotel lift and briefly wondered, "Did I just... Buy the hotel?" He complains that airlines hand too much responsibility to passengers, noting that upon landing at JFK Airport in New York, he was greeted by a sign telling him to "keep an eye out for human trafficking."

Continuing his observations on America, Wang describes going into a New York pharmacy for a headache and finding that the smallest amount of Ibuprofen he could buy was a tub of 1,000 tablets for $18, whereas in the UK it comes in packs of 16. He attributes this to American confidence and positivity, contrasting British audiences who say, "That was quite good... Actually," with upbeat Americans. He illustrates the difference in language by comparing the bright American word "ass" to the dour British word "arse."

Despite calling America a crazy country, Wang praises its cultural output, particularly hip-hop. He describes attending a Kendrick Lamar concert at The O2, though as a middle-class boy who once cut his thumb on bread, he finds it hard to relate to lyrics about a rough upbringing. To avoid singing the N-word at the concert without losing the rhythmic flow of the songs, Wang tells the audience he replaces the word with "slippers," singing, "Yo, where my slippers at?"

Wang admires how rappers remember all their words, confessing that his own memory is like "an enormous, endless mist" where he struggles to recall the name of a woman he is speaking to. He mentions reading up on psychology and feeling that society is increasingly sexualized, before admitting, "I'm a bit of a perv." He describes himself as a quiet, pervy child who had thoughts about the foxes in Disney's *Robin Hood*, asking, "It was a children's movie, but they definitely went out of their way to make those some sexy foxes. Why?"

Now that he is a slightly recognizable public figure, Wang says he has to be on his best behavior in public so he doesn't get filmed and canceled, whereas when he was anonymous he used to insult strangers' hats and hide among the cooks in Chinese restaurant kitchens. Reviewing his recent life milestones, he mentions waiting two months for a new sofa to arrive and recently writing a book about being Malaysian, Chinese, and British.

For the finale of his set, as Wang details the process of fact-checking his book before the final draft deadline. In a chapter addressing Western jokes about East Asian men, he had written a placeholder claiming his penis was a "perfectly serviceable" "Six and a bit inches." When his publisher called to say any final edits had to be phoned in directly to their office, Wang realized, "Aw, fuck, I haven't checked my dick yet."

Wang describes getting a tape measure from his tool drawer and attempting to arouse himself in his living room to verify the measurement. Starting from three inches, he reached four, five, and then five and a half inches before facing "Diminishing returns." After two hours of trying different rhythms and putting *Robin Hood* on, he could not reach six inches. He finally gave up, picked up his trousers, called his editor Charlotte regarding page 135, and told her, "It's seven inches, actually. It's seven. So just put down 'seven.'" Wang concludes by thanking the audience for filming the special with him and shares one last piece of news: he landed an Apple TV deal for "Three months free," before saying good night.