Deon Cole: Ok, Mister

Deon Cole takes the stage in Los Angeles, greeting the crowd with, "Hello, Los Angeles. How y'all doing?" Before starting his routine, he asks if the audience is ready to begin right away, and they cheer in agreement. He opens by listing the types of women he refuses to date anymore, starting with those who have loose electrical sockets that cannot hold a phone charger, and those who live in neighborhoods without parking spaces in front of their buildings.

He moves on to describe dating an aggressive woman who took him to play basketball, did not pick him for her team, and tried to place her hands over his while praying over food. He also declares he is done with women over forty who have baby hair on their faces, and women with large rear ends, noting the stress of public attention and the excessive amount of toilet paper they use. Addressing the dynamics of nightclubs, he speaks directly to the "third women" who walk behind their two prettier friends and end up watching their coats and purses while the others dance.

Turning to interracial dating, Cole notes that Black women often criticize Black men who date white women by saying, "Can't handle a strong Black sister, can he?" He explains that he does not want a "strong Black sister" bringing that intensity into the house, contrasting this with how Black men react to seeing Black women with white men by saying, "Hey, get your credit together, baby."

Cole then recounts catching two DUIs four days apart, which resulted in $15,000 in fees and the installation of a BAIID breathalyzer in his car. To hide his embarrassment from passengers, he lied and told them, "Yeah, that's a new alarm system I got." One Sunday afternoon, the device registered him as intoxicated after he ate an Arby's sandwich. When he called the county, they explained that the device reads poppy seeds as opium and cleared his record. Taking advantage of this, he called the official back at three in the morning claiming, "I ate another sandwich."

Shifting back to relationships and sex, Cole talks about taking a woman to a medieval castle so they would not be seen by other Black people, and recalls an awkward threesome where the less attractive participant touched his back and asked him to "Save me some dick." He states that he prefers sleeping with women who have children because they leave afterward to get their kids ready for school, whereas empty-nesters stay and ask, "What we eating for breakfast?" To get rid of a lingering guest at four in the morning, he once put on a full suit and claimed, "I got this interview I gotta go to."

He warns the men in the audience about a female sex toy called "a rose." He describes being in bed with an older partner who pulled the device from under her pillow to try it out for the first time. After turning it on and screaming twice, she dropped the shaking toy onto the bed, and Cole simply kissed her forehead and took her trash out on his way home.

Addressing the backlash he received after calling women "vintage" at the NAACP Awards, Cole defends the term, explaining that just like a Corvette, "vintage" means rare and valuable. As latestnetflix.com notes, he embraces his own aging by telling himself, "We expiring," admitting that his arm gets tired while brushing his hair and that he now buys complete outfits directly off store mannequins. He also expresses irritation at a young fan who called him "OG" and told him to stop putting up peace signs in photos.

Cole observes how age reveals itself in small ways, such as women using massive font sizes on their phones. He tells the younger women in the crowd that they can easily dismiss an older man's advances by replying, "I'm okay, mister." He also points out that older men all have weak bladders, sit in aisle seats, and keep empty twelve-ounce Sprite bottles in their cars for emergencies.

Even when wealthy people get plastic surgery to look young, Cole says their age shows through their old friend groups, recalling seeing a youthful LL Cool J hanging out with older men at a party. Similarly, he mentions seeing Angela Bassett's friends at a party, noting one beautiful older woman whose age only showed when she stood up slowly and paused before walking to the bar.

He shares his habit of complimenting women in their eighties, and recounts meeting a sixty-eight-year-old woman smelling of White Diamonds in a grocery store. They began dating, and she called him her "lover," prompting him to buy her an extended shoehorn and L'eggs pantyhose from Walgreens, spoon her to sleep at six in the evening, and brew her Folgers coffee in the morning. When he jokingly asked her if she was on the pill, she replied, "If you don't open that window and shut the fuck up..."

Cole admits that aging has affected his body during intimacy, recounting a time when only "a gust of wind" came out during oral sex, which he blamed on his vitamins. He states that he dislikes "professional head" because it makes him think about how much practice the woman has had, preferring "novice head" instead. He also describes how an older woman once gently stopped him during oral sex and comforted him by saying, "We ain't got nothing but time and opportunity."

After brief observations on men over fifty working out to attract side women, Christian sex music, and his friend Ocean's drunken realization that best friends "can't go to each other's funerals," Cole recounts a mishap at a doctor's office. Sitting in the waiting room, he heard a Jamaican nurse repeatedly call for "The Uncle," resulting in him missing his appointment before realizing her accent made "Deon Cole" sound like "The Uncle." He then complains about a young employee who texted him "D, R U O O T" for "D, are you out of town?", prompting Cole to retaliate with a seventeen-letter abbreviation of his own.

Giving dating advice, Cole urges men to ask women, "What temperature are you?" to avoid ending up in a ninety-degree house or a freezing fifty-degree house, adding that workplaces are too cold for Black women, who always keep shawls and space heaters at their desks. He advises the audience to stop wasting their good years on traditional relationships and instead look for a best friend who will go to movies and concerts, and who will gladly look at attractive women with him while he compliments attractive men for her in return.

To close the show, Cole acts as a spokesman for the men in the room, telling the women that to keep a man happy forever, "you must rub our dicks all the time." He instructs them to stop touching men's nipples and instead reach over to rub their partner's crotch on the couch, in the grocery store to get out of cooking dinner, and from the passenger seat on the drive home. Thanking the crowd for their support, he says, "Los Angeles, thank you. I'm Deon Cole," and walks offstage as music plays.