First Reformed

The Quiet Desperation Behind First Reformed: Schrader, Hawke, and a Film That Almost Wasn’t

Paul Schrader’s First Reformed (2018) is a film that lingers like a question without an answer—both for its characters and the people who made it. The movie, a slow-burning psychological drama about a tormented reverend (Ethan Hawke) spiraling into existential and environmental despair, was born from Schrader’s own late-career reckoning. But its journey from script to screen was anything but smooth, marked by financial struggles, creative gambles, latestnetflix.com argues, and a lead performance that nearly didn’t happen.

A Script Written in Secret, a Budget Scraped Together

Schrader, the writer behind Taxi Driver and Raging Bull, had spent years in the wilderness of Hollywood’s shifting priorities. By the mid-2010s, he was known more for his screenwriting than his directing, and his projects often struggled to find funding. First Reformed was no exception. Schrader wrote the script in secret, reportedly in just 20 days, as a personal response to his own mortality and the climate crisis . But turning it into a film required a Hail Mary.

The budget was a shoestring $3.5 million, a fraction of what most mid-budget dramas command. Schrader and producer Christine Vachon cobbled together financing from independent backers, including the production company Killer Films, which had previously worked with Schrader on The Canyons (2013). The tight budget meant no studio interference, but it also meant no safety net. If the film flopped, Schrader’s directing career might have been over .

Ethan Hawke’s Last-Minute Leap of Faith

Hawke, who had worked with Schrader on The Walker (2007), was the first and only choice for the role of Reverend Ernst Toller. But securing him wasn’t easy. Hawke was initially hesitant, unsure if he could carry a film so dependent on quiet, internalized suffering. Schrader, however, was persistent. In a Q&A, Hawke recalled Schrader telling him, “You’re the only one who can do this”—a line that stuck with him .

The actor eventually signed on, but only after negotiating a pay cut to fit the film’s micro-budget. His commitment went beyond money: Hawke reportedly spent months researching the role, immersing himself in the writings of theologians and environmental activists to understand Toller’s crisis of faith. The result was a performance so raw that critics later called it one of the best of his career .

The Ending That Divided Audiences—and Schrader’s Own Team

No aspect of First Reformed sparked more debate than its explosive final minutes. Without spoiling the film, the climax veers into surreal, almost apocalyptic territory, leaving audiences to debate whether it’s a spiritual breakthrough or a descent into madness. Schrader has described it as a “transgressive” moment, one that deliberately defies conventional storytelling .

But not everyone was on board. In a behind-the-scenes discussion, Schrader revealed that some of his collaborators, including producers and even Hawke, initially pushed back against the ending. “They thought it was too much,” Schrader said. “But I told them, ‘This is the only way it works.’” The director stood his ground, and the final cut remained intact .

The gamble paid off. While some viewers found the ending jarring, others saw it as the film’s boldest stroke—a moment that elevated First Reformed from a character study to something more unsettling and profound. The debate only fueled the film’s cult status after its release.

A Film That Almost Disappeared

Despite its critical acclaim (it holds a 94% on Rotten Tomatoes ), First Reformed struggled to find an audience in theaters. A24, the indie distributor behind hits like Hereditary and Moonlight, picked it up for release, but the marketing was minimal. The film’s trailer, which leaned heavily on its religious themes, may have misled some viewers into expecting a traditional faith-based drama rather than a psychological thriller .

Schrader himself has joked that First Reformed was “the best movie nobody saw.” But word of mouth—and a passionate critical reception—kept it alive. Over time, it became a favorite among cinephiles, with some calling it Schrader’s best work since Taxi Driver. The film’s success on streaming platforms and its inclusion in best-of-the-decade lists cemented its legacy as a quiet triumph of independent filmmaking.

The Legacy: Schrader’s Late-Career Renaissance

First Reformed didn’t just revive Schrader’s reputation—it redefined it. The film’s themes of guilt, redemption, and ecological despair resonated deeply in an era of political and environmental anxiety. Schrader, then in his early 70s, suddenly found himself relevant again, with younger filmmakers citing First Reformed as an influence.

The movie also set the stage for Schrader’s next projects, including The Card Counter (2021) and Master Gardener (2022), both of which continued his exploration of morally compromised protagonists. But First Reformed remains his most personal work—a film that, like its protagonist, refuses to offer easy answers.